Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! The right place is right here with me, in my bed. If we . I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Why a carrot as a logo? Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. happen again! "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? . Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. 21. Golf?! "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Nothing. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. I like to go low. 5. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Spread your legs a little more. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". I was actually enjoying it. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Big pupils lead to big scores. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. All of them. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Your email address will not be published. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! I Am Shuvo Saha. Twelfth son of the Lama. A great shot is when you pull it off. 20. Why not! Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. 4. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. A dinner without wine. I'll let you beat me. Your email address will not be published. Golf is a lot like life. Have fun. course sometime. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Because subtraction speaks louder than words. 20. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. fodrizzle. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Bruce Lansky, Author. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Whos there? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. But you cant just forget not to think. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Funny Family Poems. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Golf is more complicated than that. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Find the ball. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. 3. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Or under. The means are as important as the ends. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. 6. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. You look like someone who likes to swing. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. How many strokes was that? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. 8. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. The lowest score wins. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? What did the duck say to the golf ball? Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Thats incredible. Play golf. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Golf is the easiest game in the world. You are signed up for our newsletter! I give the ball some sweet talk. The most important shot in golf is the next one. There is no such thing as a natural touch. - Bobby Jones 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Keep your sense of humor. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. I know what to look for. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. You swing left and the ball goes right. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Whos there? How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! I . It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Because you got me soaking wet. Bye Bye Birdie. 21. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. One minute youre bleeding. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Because it would interrupt their tea time. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. 2. Your email address will not be published. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. They expect to succeed! THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Mini Golf Captions. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. 8. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. This post may contain affiliate links. Boo. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Always keep learning. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Please add a link to this article. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Any birdie will do. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Nuts! Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Clubbing. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? 4. "Golf is my profession. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. 2. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Ben Hogan. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay!

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